| Author | Mark Woods |
| Publisher | Macmillan, 2016 |
| ISBN | 1250105900, 9781250105905 |
| Length | 320 pages |
| Subjects |
› Biography & Autobiography / Personal Memoirs Travel / Parks & Campgrounds |
A lot of depression is based on one implausible fact. You’re worthless, unlovable. You’re never enough. You can’t do enough. So you have to prove yourself. Over and over again.” He spoke faster and faster. “Every day, every minute. Guilt, shame, loneliness.” He said there’s a counselor in Flagstaff who summed it up. Holmstrom couldn’t even be a human being. He had to be a human doing. “If he couldn’t do,” Dimock said, “he couldn’t be.”
......
I thought about the story about Buzz Holmstrom. How he couldn’t even be a human being. He had to be a human doing. I tried to do nothing. I watched the shadows of the clouds gliding over the topography. I noticed what the air smelled like, how the scent changed along with the wind. Eventually my body relaxed and my mind did something that came naturally when we were children. I daydreamed. I watched the clouds and listened to the vast stillness. The great loneliness.
Roosevelt knew loneliness. In 1884, his wife and his mother had died within hours of each other. He sought solace in the Dakota territories, where a national park now bears his name. When he made it to the Grand Canyon a couple of decades later, he delivered the speech in which he made it clear what he thought we should do with a place like this. Nothing. Leave it as it is, he said. Allow future generations to experience “the wonderful grandeur, the sublimity and great loneliness.” We don’t typically use those last two words together. But what I felt at this moment in this spot on the edge of the Grand Canyon was indeed a great, comforting loneliness.
Excerpt from chapter 4. Grand Canyon
The last 2 paragraphs above concluded chapter 4. Grand Canyon.
The paragraphs in dots above was about his mom’s party before she dies. Her mom wanted to throw a party so all can see her. Some friends felt uncomfortable to come because they didn't know what to say, but they all had a good time. I’m especially touched by the party: what a celebration of life and how courageous they must have be to throw and attend such a party to say good bye. Most people, including me, choose to avoid facing the fact.
This is my favorite part of the book. After reading it, it was around 10:30 at night. I usually don’t sleep that “early” even though I felt tired. I closed the book and closed my eyes. I let my body lie down quietly on the bed and also “ thought about the story about Buzz Holmstrom. How he couldn’t even be a human being. He had to be a human doing. I tried to do nothing. “ I fell into sleep peacefully as early as 10:30. It cured my anxiety and inspired me to be a “human being”.
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